Things that make you go hmmmm…

Today was a bit disheartening.  

Being a single income family with 4 kiddos it should come to no surprise to anyone that things are squeaky around here in the financial department.  Being good stewards of what God has given us is pretty darn important to us although I must admit in the past few months I haven’t kept quite the eye on our finances as I probably should .  We’ve eaten takeout a few too many times, had a few random hospital/doctor bills pop up completely unexpected, our computer died and needed replaced, well you get the idea. 

I finally set down today to go through our budget and see where we are and how we’ve been doing.  We’ve been very blessed and the only debt we have is our mortgage and our pretty minimal mini van payment and while that sounds good the day to day stuff and all that randomness has added up and there is a LOT less in the emergency fund than I’d like. 

Let’s just say there better not be an emergency people!!!

I started to get really down about that today.  I started to get anxiety over it.  

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I look at our beautiful home and sometimes just wish it away because it would really take a miracle to sell it in this economy and to downsize in our high priced part of the country …well I don’t even think it’s that realistic right now.  


I dream of this little house in the country with a garden and MY CLOTHESLINE like we had as a kid in Ohio.  I dream of opening up the screen door and letting the kids run around outside in a BIG YARD!  


I can smell the air and taste the sunshine.  I can FEEL the breeze on my skin.  


Then I look up and it’s suburbia once again and I KNOW I should be thankful…and I am…but I am also nervous sometimes.  

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I’m nervous because the budget doesn’t make sense.  As my girl Mariah put it, there is almost always “too much month at the end of the money”.  When I do MY kind of Math,,,ya know with the excel spreadsheet my ex-fiance manager self loves so much, I see RED each month when I “plan it out” and it freaks me out.  My husband sends in the tithe and I used to panic… Its part of our budget that there isn’t money for, but that’s just one more thing that “there isn’t money for”.

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But, we keep on going and TRYING to do our best with what we are given.  We keep on going and somehow God has provided.

TODAY I was bummed because I’ve been in the shopping mood lately but ya know not exactly $$$ for it…yep I know WHAT A SPOILED BRAT right…but I happen to think shopping is fun.  


But, guess what happened?  I WON A BEAUTIFUL PAIR OF EARRINGS and 2 (count ‘em2!!!) bracelets from my FRIENDS @ Tico&Tina!!!  NO WAY!!!!!!!!!!!  


THEN, J went out to get the mail at 9:15 this evening…our mailman MUST HATE US because we only get our mail like twice a week…bad I KNOW…anyway…he went out to get the mail and I got an envelope from my friend Jovan.  IT WAS A COUPON FOR A FREE PAIR OF SHORTS from Old Navy!!!!!!!!!  I completely forgot she asked a couple days ago if I would use the coupon if she sent it to me.  I literally have ONE pair of OLD khaki shorts to wear this summer!!!  I NOW WILL have 2!!!!!!!!!!!  (THANK YOU JOVAN!!!)

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WIERDO the ways that God provides isn’t it?  


I know I didn’t win a years supply of groceries or $1M but that doesn’t matter.  


I think GOD thinks it’s FUN to provide for us in these little ways!!!


Jewelry doesn’t feed my family.  Shorts don’t either.  BUT, what it does do is give me a reminder that He IS here with me through my anxiety and that He WILL provide in ways we can never make up on our own.