Tuesday, September 11, 2012

That first year…


…of marriage was a bit difficult.  My husband and I look back at that time and are so GRATEFUL to God for how far we’ve come in our marriage relationship. 


I moved to another state to join my husband when we got married.  I left my family, friends and everything I’d ever known.  I added more responsibilities to my job.  I sold my home, got rid of furniture, and got a bit lost along the way.  I’ve heard that that first year of marriage is hard.  It was very very hard.

You learn QUICKLY just how selfish you are.  I realized I was very territorial about “MY” stuff.  I missed MY condo.  I missed my family and friends.  I felt so alone.  I wasn’t sure how to be myself around my new sister in law.  I missed eating string cheese and crackers for dinner.  I missed not “answering” to anyone.  Writing this I’m aware that it sounds like I was miserable.  I HONESTLY wasn’t!  I was HAPPY with my husband.  I was miserable with everything else.  If I hadn’t married J who is a strong believer and a patient man I’m not so sure our marriage would have made it.  Hey…just being real… 

I felt guilty for leaving my family.  I felt guilty for being so sad when I “should be” so happy.  ...You get the idea.

At some points the easy thing would have been to go back “home”.  BUT, “Home” was now a new place and a new life.  And little by little with the leading of my husband things got better.  I got to know people in my new town.  I became genuine friends with a few.  These are friends that I hold dear over 6 years later.  J’s family embraced me as their daughter wholeheartedly and I’m so thankful.  I don’t hold onto the guilt anymore.  God has worked in my life so amazingly though my husband.  He taught me patience and gave me unconditional “never give up when it gets hard” love.  He let me cry and only tried to attempt to “fix it” a time or two. 

Marriage can be hard but it can be beautiful.  I am so indebted to my husband for standing and never ever wavering during the hard time I had at first.  

My point in writing this is to give encouragement and to show how God can work though a spouse that’s so committed to God and his wife…oh and to say sometimes that first year isn’t all “wine and roses” and that’s ok.

http://aproverbs31wife.com

17 comments:

  1. I agree! Thanks for posting this! It's nice to be reminded that you're not the only one! :) So happy for you guys!

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  2. What a lovely site and such a great post! Im here from the link up and Im following you with BlogLovin!!
    Would love it if you would follow back http://www.bloglovin.com/en/blog/3811068/bohemian-treehouse/follow!!
    So glad I will be able to keep up with you. Thanks for the little inspiration today!!

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  3. love this post especially because i'm still in my first year of marriage. :)

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  4. Great post. I think we have to be committed to our marriage, through thick and thin, AND be relying on the Lord-or we aren't going to make it. We have to die to ourselves, and love our partner.

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  5. This is so good! We all start our new lives out in a different places, yet with God, we're all headed in that same direction. Awesome.

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  6. we just celebrated our first year of marriage yesterday! i wholeheartedly agree. it wasn't the easiest. i learned a lot of things that i wasn't expecting. there were definitely very hard moments, but by the grace of God it's also been a huge blessing. we've also experienced overflowing grace and love for each other in ways we never would have if not married.

    we are committed to each other and there is no questions or doubts about anything ever changing. it's not an option and never will be :)

    thanks for sharing!!! :)

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  7. This is so true Kelly, I'm glad you shared this and thanks for linking up. Love you girl!

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  8. This is a wonderful post, alot of new couple need to read this, because it is so true, before we got married I never lived on my own, so the night of our wedding, we went to OUR apartment and it felt so funny to be on my own with my new husband, I had to learn his flaws and vise versa i guess we are both her to stay 15 years and counting

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  9. Been married for a year and a month, and I'm with ya. I had such a hard year but I felt that it had very little to do with marriage itself or the way I felt about my husband. I simply suffered the death of my independence. I had to transition into not spending as much time with friends and we had to learn how to do everything in a way that was fruitful for two very different people. I don't know how people do marriage without the Holy Spirit because that is definitely what got us through the toughest hardships and lead us into the deepest joys. Thanks for sharing!

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  10. Totally true! Our first year and a half was rough, because I just didn't "get" so much about being married. How to constructively disagree, how to calm down, how to serve....I was super selfish, and I know my husband would say he grew too. You just don't know how to be a 'good husband or wife' until you've been in it a bit. Even then, I'm just learning bit by bit 2.5 years later. :) It's been beautiful and I'm so thankful that we've both clung to the Lord!

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  11. Oh girl, you speak the truth. I remember thinking after we got married "What did I get myself into!?" It was a big shock for both of us. But in the end we are stronger together because of it. We've learned to trust and lean on each other when we're feeling weak. Its nice to have that special someone! Great post! p.s Your wedding dress is beautiful! :)

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  12. Thanks for posting this!!
    I love hearing about new married life, even if it is a little ways off for me!
    XOXO

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  13. Hi there, I am in my first year of marriage and I can totally relate to this post. I'm an only child and I had a lot of meltdowns over sharing things with my husband. I constantly catch myself saying don't touch "my stuff". I thank God everyday for giving me someone who is patient and understanding. Thank you for writing about your first year it's so reassuring to know that what we're going through is normal.


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  14. We share more than a name my dear! That first year was a little rough. I went from my parents house to our first apartment. It was hard to say the least. Great post & thanks for linking up!!!

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  15. loved this post :) although i didn't move to my hubby's "home" after we were married - we did have quite the first yr as well. We got married - went on a 2 wk honeymoon, had 2 wks together before he went off to basic training. He was gone 6 wks then he went on to TX for his 6 months of tech school. I packed up our things and moved down there. He had to live in the dorms for the first 6 wks so I was all alone in our house. 6 months later we moved just an hour north in TX. It was such a huge adjustment & we had some of the biggest fights of our relationship - but we grew SO much in that time. So crazy to look back and then see how far you've come isn't it?!!
    I mean, 4 kids all under 4 :) lol

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  16. We're coming up pretty soon on our second anniversary, and in my experience at least, the 2nd year was FAR better than the first. The first year was great, but we did have our troubles and our not-so-happy times. By the second year you learn a lot better how to live well with each other, I think.

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