After I gave birth to our oldest son I continued to work at my corporate job and would go back and forth on whether I wanted to stay home with him and be mama full time or if I should continue the career path I was on.
It seems every 3-4 months I would change my mind. I felt like I was missing SO much with him…but at the same time when I was at work I felt like people NEEDED me…I felt IMPORTANT…and some days I felt so GUILTY that it made me feel so alive.
When Ian was 9 months old I got pregnant with our twins. At that time we decided I would stay home. I was so excited about that decision and couldn’t wait to settle into life at home…the twins were born…then REAL life hit.
I quickly realized that being a FULL-TIME MAMA WORKING IN MY HOME was a LOT HARDER in most EVERY WAY than I had anticipated...and I was a complete rookie.
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| big brother on guard |
NEWS FLASH: These little guys didn’t tell me what a great job I was doing at being their mama. I could start each day with a “To Do” list but my babies DIDN'T CARE if I got any of it done…and for a “box checker” like me this was HARD to deal with.
Some days I felt like an utter failure…and thought “uh-oh what do I do now…I have NO idea what I’m doing?!?!”
I totally understand!! But when I was pregnant with my first was able to stay home!! But feeling needed and hearing it makes it feel special!! Now my 8 and 5 year old tell me mom "you so responable", " you so awesome you help me"!! I love every minute of it!! having 3 boys they seem to know how to melt my heart!!
ReplyDeleteBoys TOTALLY have a way of doing that don't they?!?!?!
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