I’m scared and I hate it.
I want to teach my kids a lot of things…very important things…one is to be fearless…(within reason of course). BUT HOW can I TEACH them when I am not practicing what I preach? I suppose that is one of those moments as a parent where you have to CHOOSE which way you will go. Will you just take the easy way out because you are scared or will you DO WHAT YOU ARE SCARED TO DO because that’s what you SHOULD do?
Thankfully, I still have a few years before the HARD stuff REALLY starts coming…but right now I should probably start warming up. It is best to start slow and get your “feet wet” with many things so when things get tougher you are already on the right track…already got those wheels in motion…already made a bit of progress.
What it HARD for me to do is honestly probably DUMB to some of you…ok maybe a lot of you…but that’s ok because I’m up for you thinking that.
I have to be honest and start somewhere right?
I’ve BEEN TERRIFIED to take the kids anywhere by myself!!!
How am I going to get them all in and out of the van without it taking a LONG time and me sweating all over the place? Will Ian throw a fit? Will the twins decide to melt down? What if Julia poops out of her diaper while she’s in the baby bjorn and I’m out somewhere with everyone and I have poop all over me and I have to get the other kids back in the van and I get poop on them and then I have to drive home and everyone is poopified? I know this seems dramatic BUT THAT IS A VALID CONCERN people!
What if…what if…what if…
It is the “What ifs” in life that will kill you though. The “What ifs” will debilitate you if you let them. I don’t EVER want my kids to let their “What ifs” hold them back. EVER. Ive been there and done that and I NEVER want to do it again. In my humble opinion it serves exactly ZERO purpose to you or anyone in your life and in fact it HURTS you and the people in your life in some way pretty much every time. Can you tell I feel strongly about this?
If I’m scared to do something and so I simply don’t do it then HOW can I expect to be an encouragement to my children when they are scared to do something?
How can I expect THEM to go out on a limb and take that leap in fear if I am not doing those things myself?
With that simple conviction the kids and I headed to the outlet mall a week or so ago to get the twins some shoes!
As I put the keys in the ignition and backed out of the garage I felt an odd sense of power. Like OK I am going to do this! I swung through the McDonald’s drive through to get myself a coffee treat (Extra caffeine can’t hurt right? Ha!) and we made our way to our destination.
I have this stroller:
And it takes a bit of space to get it unfolded and ready for the kids. You gotta take the wheels off to get it into the van and then put them back on at your destination but despite that I really LOVE THIS STROLLER! It has been SUCH a blessing to our family!!
When we got to the outlet mall I parked out by ourselves that way I had plenty of room to hoist the stroller out of the back of the van and put it together without hitting any other cars in the process! I got the boys all in the stroller and then got Julia in the front pack and we started off toward the shoe store. I was a sweaty mess but was ALREADY starting to feel empowered.
Ok, I CAN DO THIS!!!
I would be LYING if I said no one paid any attention to us…we got a LOT of funny looks and people got out of our way when we were coming like I was a fat kid running toward a cake but that’s ok…I just kept on going.
The boys were having so much fun just being in a new place and it was fun to hear Ian pointing out the scenery and the boys kicking their feet and jabbering too.
The day was BEAUTIFUL! It was sunny and crisp and a little windy. It was PERFECT!!!! Like I said, I was a sweaty mess so the wind felt terrific! Ha!
We got to the shoe store and a kind lady opened the door for us as she walked by the store which was AWESOME!!! When we got inside the girl working measured the boys feet and was SO kind! The boys got stickers which they loved…Lijah loved his so much he ate it! If you know that kid you aren’t surprised in the least!!!
We found shoes on sale and the twins wore them out of the store.
We took a quick walk around the rest of the outlet just to enjoy the day a little more. My only downfall to that point was not thinking about how the sidewalk was downhill in part. It was great walking DOWN…when we turned around and I realized there was a hill…not a big one by any means BUT when you are pushing over 100 lbs of stroller & kids PLUS wearing a baby while trying not to look like you are a hot mess…well it just makes you pant that much harder…I guess I don’t have to really tell you that that was NOT MY CUTEST MOMENT IN LIFE!!!! I’m pretty certain I looked like a wreck actually. Nice.
Anyway, we made our way out of the mall, back into the car and on our way. IT WASN’T A BIG DEAL! Is that something I will do all the time? Probably not. Will I take them to the grocery store with me now? No. That just doesn’t make sense while they are all so little. All 3 boys would probably need to ride in the cart so where would I put the groceries? BUT…I see that day coming and I know it’ll be no big deal.
I AM capable of doing it by myself. I made it just fine! It DOES make me appreciate that my husband NEVER has a problem with hanging with the kiddos while I go to the grocery or Costco by myself. It reminded me how much EASIER it is going and doing things like that when it’s just me or me and one of the kiddos.
That day was a good day for so many reasons. The kids and I got out of the house for more than a walk around the neighborhood for one!
But also seeing the kids out in a new place and their excitement was so sweet! Conquering a fear, albight a little one like taking the kids by myself to the outlet mall, is a step in the right direction…a step closer to more confidence in myself…a step closer to being a positive example to my children.
It’s good to be a braver me.
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